Time Better Spent Elsewhere.

I come from a city, born and raised and grown up-in a city. I was created and formed outside of one. An existence both human and inhumanly human I have lived, nestled in the comforts of modern trappings, of conveniences unimaginable a scant century ago. Trapping so modern, so human they transcend the human experience. Our human nature has trapped itself in it's trappings, seeking to exist without, but without what it can't tell. One would like to think that existing sans modern establishments would be preferred. As we contemplate thinking that existing sans modern establishments would be preferred we continue to work on the wall keeping us inside and away from things unpleasant and uncomfortable and wild.

It's only natural of course. The human body excels not physically but mentally, our whole lives hinge on using tools and creating mechanics to beat the odds set against our frail structures. Even our ancestors, those who did without couldn't have done it without tools and devices, the means of which to conquer a hostile world, to stave off the wolves of the night, to quiet the howling winds and warm the chill night air. To eat satisfactorily and to travel efficiently. To find companionship with others pleasantly and to live succinctly. What else would there be in life were it not for these conveniences? The physical strain on the body would greatly demean one's quality of life would it not?

As a human I take full advantage of my opportunities for convenience but often times will pass over the harder routes to avoid trouble. I take my rest leisurely in my home, I drink always cold water whenever I wish and I eat food convenient for eating, I rarely cook and I've never foraged for food to survive. I oft wonder if this is rebelling against, or pandering to my nature and my races prerogative, I'm sure that it's mostly the latter. Previously I mentioned being shaped outside of the city, despite living in one. My whole life I've tried to maximize my time away from the city and to soak up as much natural wildness as possible. Over time I've come to realize that the human condition is a sad, sad thing. We give up a physical challenge, that is rewarding spiritually and mentally for challenged draining in all ways and rewarding in none. The grocery store for instance is an awful place to be, every time one ventures in they're assaulted by vibrant sounds and distracting colors, artificial foliage and bustling crowds, air filled with hurry and the ever vigilant search for spoiled food items yet most people, myself included head to the grocery store at least once a week despite the discomfort endured. There exists no pride in shopping, no pleasure in selecting the fare for the week's table. No sensation of a well earned meal, nor an appreciation of the origins of said meal. When the contents of the table have been brought out of a lake or plucked from a garden they naturally taste better. Is it due to the freshness so long forgotten or the knowledge of the physical work endured to procure the food? Both?

The human condition is to disregard balance and eschew any physical discomfort for better or worse. The human condition is in sad need of reform.

End of An Era.

Well, I'm done with high school sports... forever.
It's kinda surreal to be honest, I've always looked forward to track being over because then I'd have a break before summer conditioning... now I'm... sad. Cross country and track have been a huge part of my life over the past three years and I don't really know how to feel about moving on.

Here's some images from over the years, since I don't really know what to say.

This is Gene, he was our coach until my junior year, I'm really grateful to him for everything he's taught me and basically just for being there for us.



This is Coach Barbero, at first it was pretty hard for me to accept that he was our coach and that that's just how it was going to be, I'm glad we ended up with him though, hes a great coach and hopefully he'll be at WV for a long time to come.



XC seniors

I did this towards the end of junior year track, thought I'd try the 200, I didn't suck but I crashed right before the finish.


Summer training was awesome! Me and some of my best friends first day of official practice this summer.


I met Sarah in Cross Country, she's beautiful, I love her... there's not enough space to write it all down. Here we are at prom 2011.



Me and Zach's last cross country meet, I broke 20:00 at this meet for the first time, not that fast but it was a big accomplishment for me.


The varsity 800m crew, I love these kids. This is something I'll miss, when they talk about high school being the best time of your life or whatever it's because of friends like these.


We did some 4x4s, these were always super fun.


Got spiked in my last race ever, it's chill haha I gootta get at least one wound per season right?


This was said last race ever.


A beautiful way to end a beautiful thing.

Me Gusta Los Pajaros.

So it's been a productive week. Track meet on Thursday with EV and Cheney went really good, i p.r.-ed in the 800 with a 2:14, so ive been pretty stoked about that and then today at freeman i ran a 2:16 with a lot of wind and earned a ribbon, so track has been going good.

But more importantly, I've realized you just gotta go get em sometimes, like,on Thursday I caught up with a kid from Cheney but wasnt really sure if I should pass him or not, lo and behold he slows way down out of nowhere and kinda messed me up, taking off from this, today me and kody went around a kid from... somewhere? haha and anyway, he ended up passing me up again in the last 100 meters but I'm still pretty proud of myself for sackin up and competing like that. In the future I'm not gonna be shy from just charging by people and running my race how I want, even if they come back in the end I won't have any "what if" situation.

All I Want Is

Sooo, it's been a while.

I've been kinda bus and stuff I guess, no big deal. Track is actually going pretty good, I turned my ankle pretty bad thursday evening after our meet in Wenatchee, but that was alright, cause I did pretty good in that meet there.

I got 4th in the 800m, with a 2:18, thats not a terrible time, and I guess I'm gonna keep improving. I'm 7th in the GNL with that time, so that's cool too, with any luck I'll be able to run in districts this year for the first time.

In the 800 we went out SUPER hard, with like a 26 second 200 and stuff, but that was alright, we chilled out after the 200 and still had enough going for the rest of the race. Kody got 2nd, so that was good, and Curly got 5th so in that race alone we swung like 13 points. After the race I went on a sweet cool down since I ended up without a 4x4 to run in, and I took some photos too!

I've Laid My Burden Down

Well today has had some ups and downs. Overall I guess I'm not real stoked about this whole running situation. Let's be honest, I love running. But it's pretty hard for me to stay positive about it. I've ran, maybe 10 miles this week total, not even a lot and my shin splints are just killing me. Now this might not seem like a big deal, but it's stopping me from enjoying something I love doing, and that's how it's always been for me. Tomorrow I'm gonna run in my jingas, maybe taking a day off from fighting my gigantic nikes will feel a little better. I pretty much feel like a bitch though, my friend has osteonecrosis in his knees and here I am complaining about my shins hurting, that's pretty dumb.

I hope I can make running not hurt, Barbero seems to think I should be fast in track, maybe if I could make it through runs alright I could be.

I'm Gassed

Well, I just got done running, I think I ran 2.5-3 miles in about 25 minutes, give or take. probably more like 2.5 in 28 or something terrible.

Whatever. I feel really good right now, out on the run my shins were hurting a little bit, but nothing too bad, I think once I get back into the swing of things I'll get the kinks ironed out. Track starts in exactly 7 days, I haven't run hardly at all over winter. It's ok. I'm doing track this year because I think some of the younger kids in the distance corner kinda need me, aaaand more importantly, because Sarah is doing it. Even though I think part of why she's doing it is because I'm doing it haha. This year in track I'm endeavoring to just have fun with it, I'm not gonna work thaaat hard, just hard enough not to embarrass anybody.

I haven't been able to read Moby Dick for the past few days, my grandma's house has some mold in it or something and helping take care of her has been messing up my eyes pretty bad, like pink eye kinda symptoms, but not pink eye... pretty lame. I was gonna try and read last night but as soon as I had the book open I had to put it down. Lame.

Uh... after Moby Dick I have a whole list of things to read on my shelf. I think the first one I'm going to tackle is Bambi. Yep, Bambi. I have an ooold copy of it, given to "Leroy", christmas of '44. It's an awesome book, I don't really know the story too good and I'm sure the Disney version is bogus anyway, so I'm pretty pumped.

Help I'm Alive.

I'm still here, haven't posted in a while, I've been busy with other things, and doing real writing on real paper.

I'm probabl not gonna post again until I'm done with Moby Dick.

Seven Tigers

I'll be honest with you, I'm feelin' kinda down right now. Just sorta helpless. I hate that feeling.
Someone is having a really hard time right now, and it just kills me. I've said it before, but I'd be a terrible therapist, helping people is really hard on me. I wish I could just make things better, I wish I could make it all go away.

I wish girls would just be nice to each other, I wish little brothers would just quit being idiots. I don't see this happening.

I guess I kinda try and stay positive, people don't realize this but it sure ain't that easy for me. It's pretty damn hard to be honest. I want to make people happy, I don't really put much effort into making myself happy, I figure that will just come.

It won't always get worse, someday things will look up. Life is all about trials and tribulations, it can't always be easy, but it won't always get worse. We have so much to live for, it's hard for me to understand how people can get too upset about things. And it's not like I look down on them because I don't understand, I really wish I could understand, if I could understand maybe I could help...

It's real easy to ask; why? why me? why ____? how come this is? etc. I don't really believe in that line of thought. Happiness is a lot like math. If you're down and focus on being down, and the things that are wrong then you're just going to be more upset. A negative added to a negative just makes a bigger negative. If you try and come up with positive things then you're original negativity can shrink.

I'll go ahead and demonstrate:
Con- my arm don't work.
Now this would be a big deal to a lot of people, a lot of people would have trouble dealing with this, but does it really matter? No.

Let's see why I should be happy instead of sad.
I have a beautiful girlfriend who I love very much, I drive a sweet truck, I have a family that loves me... I could go on.

See, with all these things going right in my life, why focus on the things going wrong?

Honestly, Sarah alone is enough of a reason for me to be happy, whatever shit that goes wrong in my life doesn't really matter in the long run. I just wish more people kinda thought that way.

Ghost Chants

Someday I'll go and see the world. I want to stay in a log cabin. I want to swim in a sea. I want to extend my arms and embrace everything this earth has to offer.

I want to write a book, but I can't write fiction. Fiction is inherently non-truth. I couldn't write non-truth and share it with people. I think I could make short stories; short stories about animals. Stories about animals don't have to be perfectly true to history, but they can be realistic. Animal activities are very varied, and can have a lot of meaning behind them.

If I ever get a notebook I'm gonna start writing in it. I'm internetting for one right now, I'm not sure what I want yet.

I ended up odering this:

http://www.moleskine.com/catalogue/classic/soft/ruled_soft_notebook__extra_large.php

I Throw Rocks At Waterfalls.

I've come up with some rules for life.

1- When in a group discussion, if you don't know something is right, don't act like it is.

2- When in group discussion, don't interrupt anybody then apologize and offer for them to continue, you're not sorry and you know it.

3- When in group discussion, know when you've said more than enough.

4- Try to be nice to everybody.

5- Don't take yourself too seriously.

If people in my English class followed these rules I'd be a much happier guy.

Also, I got pulled over yesterday for absolutely no reason. Like, no joke, the cop pulls me over for driving safely... this is what we pay them for apparently..

It's because this old thing is loud I think.



Also, here's more good music. I like sharing good music.

A True Friend Is Hard To Find.

My grandma is doing ok after her surgery, it was pretty hard for me to go and see her with all this shit hooked up to her. It's hard to explain, but even though I know she's old, I still hate to see her like this.

In other news, I'm not a big fan of very many kids. Too many people have children these days.



Also, this is really amazing, we could learn a lot from these people.



and, even though I hate Jack White, this is worth a view.



And now for some real music.

I Wish I Took This Picture.

My Cadillac Is A Thousand Feet Long.

Today has been a long day. A looong damn day. It's almost over, for this I am thankful.

My grandma made it through surgery ok, for this I am thankful.

She had open heart surgery today, they had to suspend her heart to replace a valve, I was kinda up all night last night bein worried. I skipped school today to see my grandma, I know all I blog about is my grandma, but that's been a pretty big deal lately. She probably is out of the hospital next week, then me and my mom are gonna have to pretty much take care of her for a few days at least.

Uhh... my Jingas came today, that's cool.

Sorry I don't have much to write about, I'm just not feelin' up to it.

I Do It To Myself.

I kinda have a problem. I basically care too damn much about people. I tend to worry. Alot. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I tend to want to take other people's troubles onto myself. I want to make people feel better, it's a big deal to me. But the problem is, I get all worried about them and then I feel bad.

I'd be a terrible therapist.

There's a girl I know, she kinda means a lot to me, not romantically or anything, just as a good friend that matters. She's going through a hard spot in life, and it bothers me. I know I shouldn't be all that worried about it, but I am. I don't even know what the issue is, I just know that it's there and I just can't stand that. Here I am, all worked up about something that I don't even know about, not even in my life, but I can't just let it be.

There's a part of me that doesn't want to care, I could tell you all about how people bug me, how people ruin everything and how animals are much better creatures than we are. But I still have it in me to like people, a lot. Maybe it's because I've been through a lot that I want to help other people get through their problems. Maybe it's because I never had anyone to talk to, I don't know. Now, I'm a big believer of doing it myself and going it alone in this world, but really, that's pretty darn hard. Maybe it's just how I am, but I don't want help in life, but I feel a need to help others. How's that for juxtaposition Mr. Smith?

I sort of wish nobody actually did read this, but I suspect the majority of my views are people clicking, and then seeing my long winded rants and exiting. I'd like to think so. These are kinda therapeutic for me, maybe I can find answers myself by telling other people my stories? I dunno. But anyways, life hasn't exactly been easy for me, and I've pretty much had to come to terms with it by myself, which I think is ultimately true for everyone. Psychology is bullshit, Mrs. Groesbeck knows I've figured this out, that's why she's got beef. Anyways, I like to think that I've experienced enough in life to help people with similar things, I'm pretty secure in myself now, but I know not everyone is. It's a struggle for me sometimes to accept that other people don't approach things how I do, not that my way is the only way.

It's hard for me to empathize with people that dwell on negativity, or let their condition get the best of them. Maybe I should tell about this?

So... I guess if you're reading this you already know, but I messed my arm up pretty bad a few years ago riding bikes, and it pretty much doesn't work now. I'm sure you can imagine but that was a pretty hard pill to swallow. Lemme tell you, it ain't easy going from being a high level athlete to being handicapped. Now, I don't view myself as handicapped, or crippled. I guess I have some limitations, but they aren't debilitating, life is what you make of it and I try and make it the best I can. Breaking my arm was the best thing to ever happen to me. I had to change my outlook on life, I had to humble myself and accept what I'd been given. That doesn't mean I was defeated. No, I came back stronger, and more full of life than ever, once I acknowledged my life as it is, I was able to truly embrace who I am.
I'm not handicapped. I'm not crippled. I'm not limited.
I'm strong. I'm proud. I'm a caring and gentle man.

These are things that I had to find out for myself, it pretty much happened overnight. Does it happen that way for everyone? no. Absolutely not. So many people need a buddy to help them through it. Something inside me makes me want to be that buddy, it's probably just so I feel like I've made a difference, like my life is worth it in the long run. Or somethin'.

I don't want to publish this, but if I don't, why would I write it in the first place?

From Sweden With Love.

This is absolutely fantastic.

Psychadelic rock music from Sweden, circa 1969

If you love organ, and I sure love organ this really hits the spot.

Distinctly Swedish, clearly ahead of the times
http://mutant-sounds.blogspot.com/2011/01/bib-set-it-wasnt-meant-to-happen-lp.html

Also, some other good music while I have this open.

I picked this up on vinyl a couple of months ago, I can't find any videos of this live, but lemme tell ya Wild Bill Davis is one hot organist



This is very good, as is most things from KEXP, sort of a gothic southern type of music. What really sets this off for me is the upright bass, I don't really know how to explain it but it just makes this cut absolutely fantastic



this is very, very earnest, I'm not sure what more ya could want.



These guys are another psych band, unfortunatel somewhat of a super group, they lack enthusiasm I think, they're definitely helped out by basically being a collection of really dynamite musicians

When I'm Upside Down, You're Rightside Up.

I went for a run today, it was the first one since MLK day. It was pretty rough.

To be honest, it's my fault, I'm veryyyy out of shape, and I picked a cold ass morning to start running again. I managed to tough out 2 miles barefoot at plantes before my lungs had had enough. On a lighter note, it was beautiful out there this morning, see, this was the view from my truck.


See, pretty nice right? It's about 40 degrees out right now, which really isn't that cold, I guess I'm just being a weeny, but whatever I'm over it.

I had some weird dreams last night, I had one where Sarah got hurt or something but I was too worried about other things to help her. Now, that isn't like me at all, but I think it serves as a friendly reminder to keep my priorities straight. Maybe those deer from yesterday were telling me this?

Also, Im listening to this record, it's fantastic. I found it over on wefuckinglovemusic.blogspot.com

check those guys out, they have some good shit on there

Breaking Rocks. Growing Trees.

I just had a good, long conversation with someone very special. I'm not gonna tell you what we talked about, but it got me a-thinkin'.

As a species, human beings have gotten farther and farther from the truth with every passing day. The western way of thought is just so, so... WRONG. It couldn't be farther from the truth, attempting to pass everything off in this world as our own creation and accomplishment.

It's not that I'm against "understanding" how things work on the Earth, it's just that our planet wasn't desinged by humans, and if truth were told wasn't designed for humans exclusively either. I'm liable to lose ya here, but "Nature", which in my opinion is simply the voice of the Great Creator as we've lost our own ability to communicate directly with him. Animals and the Earth have so many things to tell yet we shut them out, treating our brothers and sisters as lesser beings.

Our dreams are our animal friends talking to us in a language we understand I think. The elk doesn't speak English, he doesn't need too, he still has wisdom to share. We just have to let ourselves listen.

I'm not changing anyones mind here, I just wish that people would listen to the natural lessons waiting to be taught.

I Like Alligators.

Well, It's been a pretty long couple of days here. Yesterday I pretty much spent the whole day at the hospital with my grandma, from about 11:00 to around 7:00 at night, long, long day right there.

I guess it's time for a quick grandma update, She's gonna get a valve replaced in her heart on Monday. We've known this valve has been going out for about 5 years now, but the operation is always pushed back until she gets symptoms, which obviously started on Thursday morning.

So anyway, yesterday my mom called me at school and says "you better get down here, grandmas going into surgery", so I didn't know it wasn't a big deal so I got right on that. I went down and told Sarah what was going on, left school and hopped in the truck. I was hurrying right along, probably goin about 80 down the freeway when my mom calls and says surgery isn't for a few hours, well, thats good to know I guess. I figured since I was already pracically there there was no reason to go back to school so I embarked on 8 hours of hospital...

wellll, me and my pops went to Quizno's (!!!!!!) then went down to the apple store cause he wants a new iPod or something. Anyway, while we were there some kid grabbed an ipad and ran out with it! crazy shit happens in Spo-town I guess haha.

Today my beautiful lady-friend Sarah was singing in "solo&ensemble" at East Valley. I was planning to run this morning, but I kinda over slept, getting up at like 8:45, and needing to be at EV at 9:40 so I didn't really have time. Anyways, she did really, really good! I was pretty much impressed, then we got some Wendy's goin for lunch, that was good i s'pose.

Went and saw grandma again, then on my way home I saw 2 deer running together alongside me. Deer are beautiful creatures, and I feel truly blessed to see the 2 of them in unison, I think they were trying to tell me something, I'm not sure about what yet though.

una dia en paradiso.

Today was pretty up and down. It was a solid 50/50, hace-hace kinda day yadadamean?

0500- My mom wakes me up, we have to go to the hospital to meet my grandma. Shit. She had been having some chest pressure along with an undulating blood pressure and some arhythmias. We've known she's had some goofy valve issues for a while now, but it's never been a problem before.

0700- We now know she's gonna be ok. Good. Her E.R. roommate is batshit crazy. Naturally. I was about ready to go over and straighten this guy out, he was talkin to himself, playing with papers and stuff. The guy was even ripping up his sheets for some time... fortunately after about 45 minutes of watching out the corner of my eye his nurse shows up with some meds. That finally calmed his ass down.

1030- I'm at school, ready to take my math final. This was no big deal, I was happy to be there since I wouldn't have to make that up later. I roll in about 25 minutes late for class. Mr. Marlow understands. I take the test, it's easy, I'm in geometry, which is embarrassing but at least it's not hard right?

1100- I go talk to my girl Mrs. Delcour, I missed her class but told her my awesome story. I went out and got my final for her class from the truck, then I turned it in. Nice, civics is done for me. Also, I parked in the bus lane, I don't think I coulda cared less about it.

1200-ish- Me and Sarah go to the track meeting. Mr. Kuhl tells us about his life for a while, we leave, no big deal. But Mrs. Bailey isn't that good at spelling names I guess.

1300/1400- Sarah and I go down and visit Grandma in the hospital. Sarah and Grandma know each other pretty good and I think it was good for the both of them.

1430- Me and Sarah went to Quizno's for lunch. Now lemme tell ya, I fuckin loooovvveee Quizno's, that made my day right there. Anyways, we eat there and sit and talk for a while, then I take her home, she had some singing practicing to do or something. I love that girl.

That's the end of anything you might care about today.

I saw a raven in the parking lot, ravens are good animals, they tell of good fortune to come. This I welcome with open arms, I'm ready for it.

Music. Let's talk about it.
I've been into a few different bands lately, but I dunno how to classify them, kind of rock-ish but acoustic with some definite country influences.








lemme know whatcha think.

I'm new here.

Well, this is the first time I've really tried to "blog" about my life, I'm not really sure how to do it, but I'll figure it out.

So anyways, I'm pretty much going to be talking about a few subjects that I'm interested enough in to share with you.

Here they are;

Running. Specifically, how I'm starting an odyssey into barefoot/minimalist running.

Music. I'll post some links to things I enjoy, I have a pretty eclectic taste so I'll try and keep it fresh.

Religion. Now don't let that scare you off, I'm not specifically religious myself, I'm just trying to find some truth, now most of what I'm interested in are traditional Native American beliefs and Far Eastern thoughts.

I suppose my reason for doing this is motivation. I can talk about running, but more importantly I can talk about MY running, with people watching I can't slack off as much as I'd like to.
I'll need to keep on top of fresh beats for you guys, I tend to get into ruts, let's hope this helps.
And, this will give me a medium to share my thoughts and personal discoveries with the world.

Welp, here goes.