Monday, January 31, 2011
My Cadillac Is A Thousand Feet Long.
Today has been a long day. A looong damn day. It's almost over, for this I am thankful.
My grandma made it through surgery ok, for this I am thankful.
She had open heart surgery today, they had to suspend her heart to replace a valve, I was kinda up all night last night bein worried. I skipped school today to see my grandma, I know all I blog about is my grandma, but that's been a pretty big deal lately. She probably is out of the hospital next week, then me and my mom are gonna have to pretty much take care of her for a few days at least.
Uhh... my Jingas came today, that's cool.
Sorry I don't have much to write about, I'm just not feelin' up to it.
My grandma made it through surgery ok, for this I am thankful.
She had open heart surgery today, they had to suspend her heart to replace a valve, I was kinda up all night last night bein worried. I skipped school today to see my grandma, I know all I blog about is my grandma, but that's been a pretty big deal lately. She probably is out of the hospital next week, then me and my mom are gonna have to pretty much take care of her for a few days at least.
Uhh... my Jingas came today, that's cool.
Sorry I don't have much to write about, I'm just not feelin' up to it.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
I Do It To Myself.
I kinda have a problem. I basically care too damn much about people. I tend to worry. Alot. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I tend to want to take other people's troubles onto myself. I want to make people feel better, it's a big deal to me. But the problem is, I get all worried about them and then I feel bad.
I'd be a terrible therapist.
There's a girl I know, she kinda means a lot to me, not romantically or anything, just as a good friend that matters. She's going through a hard spot in life, and it bothers me. I know I shouldn't be all that worried about it, but I am. I don't even know what the issue is, I just know that it's there and I just can't stand that. Here I am, all worked up about something that I don't even know about, not even in my life, but I can't just let it be.
There's a part of me that doesn't want to care, I could tell you all about how people bug me, how people ruin everything and how animals are much better creatures than we are. But I still have it in me to like people, a lot. Maybe it's because I've been through a lot that I want to help other people get through their problems. Maybe it's because I never had anyone to talk to, I don't know. Now, I'm a big believer of doing it myself and going it alone in this world, but really, that's pretty darn hard. Maybe it's just how I am, but I don't want help in life, but I feel a need to help others. How's that for juxtaposition Mr. Smith?
I sort of wish nobody actually did read this, but I suspect the majority of my views are people clicking, and then seeing my long winded rants and exiting. I'd like to think so. These are kinda therapeutic for me, maybe I can find answers myself by telling other people my stories? I dunno. But anyways, life hasn't exactly been easy for me, and I've pretty much had to come to terms with it by myself, which I think is ultimately true for everyone. Psychology is bullshit, Mrs. Groesbeck knows I've figured this out, that's why she's got beef. Anyways, I like to think that I've experienced enough in life to help people with similar things, I'm pretty secure in myself now, but I know not everyone is. It's a struggle for me sometimes to accept that other people don't approach things how I do, not that my way is the only way.
It's hard for me to empathize with people that dwell on negativity, or let their condition get the best of them. Maybe I should tell about this?
So... I guess if you're reading this you already know, but I messed my arm up pretty bad a few years ago riding bikes, and it pretty much doesn't work now. I'm sure you can imagine but that was a pretty hard pill to swallow. Lemme tell you, it ain't easy going from being a high level athlete to being handicapped. Now, I don't view myself as handicapped, or crippled. I guess I have some limitations, but they aren't debilitating, life is what you make of it and I try and make it the best I can. Breaking my arm was the best thing to ever happen to me. I had to change my outlook on life, I had to humble myself and accept what I'd been given. That doesn't mean I was defeated. No, I came back stronger, and more full of life than ever, once I acknowledged my life as it is, I was able to truly embrace who I am.
I'm not handicapped. I'm not crippled. I'm not limited.
I'm strong. I'm proud. I'm a caring and gentle man.
These are things that I had to find out for myself, it pretty much happened overnight. Does it happen that way for everyone? no. Absolutely not. So many people need a buddy to help them through it. Something inside me makes me want to be that buddy, it's probably just so I feel like I've made a difference, like my life is worth it in the long run. Or somethin'.
I don't want to publish this, but if I don't, why would I write it in the first place?
I'd be a terrible therapist.
There's a girl I know, she kinda means a lot to me, not romantically or anything, just as a good friend that matters. She's going through a hard spot in life, and it bothers me. I know I shouldn't be all that worried about it, but I am. I don't even know what the issue is, I just know that it's there and I just can't stand that. Here I am, all worked up about something that I don't even know about, not even in my life, but I can't just let it be.
There's a part of me that doesn't want to care, I could tell you all about how people bug me, how people ruin everything and how animals are much better creatures than we are. But I still have it in me to like people, a lot. Maybe it's because I've been through a lot that I want to help other people get through their problems. Maybe it's because I never had anyone to talk to, I don't know. Now, I'm a big believer of doing it myself and going it alone in this world, but really, that's pretty darn hard. Maybe it's just how I am, but I don't want help in life, but I feel a need to help others. How's that for juxtaposition Mr. Smith?
I sort of wish nobody actually did read this, but I suspect the majority of my views are people clicking, and then seeing my long winded rants and exiting. I'd like to think so. These are kinda therapeutic for me, maybe I can find answers myself by telling other people my stories? I dunno. But anyways, life hasn't exactly been easy for me, and I've pretty much had to come to terms with it by myself, which I think is ultimately true for everyone. Psychology is bullshit, Mrs. Groesbeck knows I've figured this out, that's why she's got beef. Anyways, I like to think that I've experienced enough in life to help people with similar things, I'm pretty secure in myself now, but I know not everyone is. It's a struggle for me sometimes to accept that other people don't approach things how I do, not that my way is the only way.
It's hard for me to empathize with people that dwell on negativity, or let their condition get the best of them. Maybe I should tell about this?
So... I guess if you're reading this you already know, but I messed my arm up pretty bad a few years ago riding bikes, and it pretty much doesn't work now. I'm sure you can imagine but that was a pretty hard pill to swallow. Lemme tell you, it ain't easy going from being a high level athlete to being handicapped. Now, I don't view myself as handicapped, or crippled. I guess I have some limitations, but they aren't debilitating, life is what you make of it and I try and make it the best I can. Breaking my arm was the best thing to ever happen to me. I had to change my outlook on life, I had to humble myself and accept what I'd been given. That doesn't mean I was defeated. No, I came back stronger, and more full of life than ever, once I acknowledged my life as it is, I was able to truly embrace who I am.
I'm not handicapped. I'm not crippled. I'm not limited.
I'm strong. I'm proud. I'm a caring and gentle man.
These are things that I had to find out for myself, it pretty much happened overnight. Does it happen that way for everyone? no. Absolutely not. So many people need a buddy to help them through it. Something inside me makes me want to be that buddy, it's probably just so I feel like I've made a difference, like my life is worth it in the long run. Or somethin'.
I don't want to publish this, but if I don't, why would I write it in the first place?
From Sweden With Love.
This is absolutely fantastic.
Psychadelic rock music from Sweden, circa 1969
If you love organ, and I sure love organ this really hits the spot.
Distinctly Swedish, clearly ahead of the times
http://mutant-sounds.blogspot.com/2011/01/bib-set-it-wasnt-meant-to-happen-lp.html
Also, some other good music while I have this open.
I picked this up on vinyl a couple of months ago, I can't find any videos of this live, but lemme tell ya Wild Bill Davis is one hot organist
This is very good, as is most things from KEXP, sort of a gothic southern type of music. What really sets this off for me is the upright bass, I don't really know how to explain it but it just makes this cut absolutely fantastic
this is very, very earnest, I'm not sure what more ya could want.
These guys are another psych band, unfortunatel somewhat of a super group, they lack enthusiasm I think, they're definitely helped out by basically being a collection of really dynamite musicians
Psychadelic rock music from Sweden, circa 1969
If you love organ, and I sure love organ this really hits the spot.
Distinctly Swedish, clearly ahead of the times
http://mutant-sounds.blogspot.com/2011/01/bib-set-it-wasnt-meant-to-happen-lp.html
Also, some other good music while I have this open.
I picked this up on vinyl a couple of months ago, I can't find any videos of this live, but lemme tell ya Wild Bill Davis is one hot organist
This is very good, as is most things from KEXP, sort of a gothic southern type of music. What really sets this off for me is the upright bass, I don't really know how to explain it but it just makes this cut absolutely fantastic
this is very, very earnest, I'm not sure what more ya could want.
These guys are another psych band, unfortunatel somewhat of a super group, they lack enthusiasm I think, they're definitely helped out by basically being a collection of really dynamite musicians
When I'm Upside Down, You're Rightside Up.
I went for a run today, it was the first one since MLK day. It was pretty rough.
To be honest, it's my fault, I'm veryyyy out of shape, and I picked a cold ass morning to start running again. I managed to tough out 2 miles barefoot at plantes before my lungs had had enough. On a lighter note, it was beautiful out there this morning, see, this was the view from my truck.
See, pretty nice right? It's about 40 degrees out right now, which really isn't that cold, I guess I'm just being a weeny, but whatever I'm over it.
I had some weird dreams last night, I had one where Sarah got hurt or something but I was too worried about other things to help her. Now, that isn't like me at all, but I think it serves as a friendly reminder to keep my priorities straight. Maybe those deer from yesterday were telling me this?
Also, Im listening to this record, it's fantastic. I found it over on wefuckinglovemusic.blogspot.com
check those guys out, they have some good shit on there
To be honest, it's my fault, I'm veryyyy out of shape, and I picked a cold ass morning to start running again. I managed to tough out 2 miles barefoot at plantes before my lungs had had enough. On a lighter note, it was beautiful out there this morning, see, this was the view from my truck.
See, pretty nice right? It's about 40 degrees out right now, which really isn't that cold, I guess I'm just being a weeny, but whatever I'm over it.
I had some weird dreams last night, I had one where Sarah got hurt or something but I was too worried about other things to help her. Now, that isn't like me at all, but I think it serves as a friendly reminder to keep my priorities straight. Maybe those deer from yesterday were telling me this?
Also, Im listening to this record, it's fantastic. I found it over on wefuckinglovemusic.blogspot.com
check those guys out, they have some good shit on there
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Breaking Rocks. Growing Trees.
I just had a good, long conversation with someone very special. I'm not gonna tell you what we talked about, but it got me a-thinkin'.
As a species, human beings have gotten farther and farther from the truth with every passing day. The western way of thought is just so, so... WRONG. It couldn't be farther from the truth, attempting to pass everything off in this world as our own creation and accomplishment.
It's not that I'm against "understanding" how things work on the Earth, it's just that our planet wasn't desinged by humans, and if truth were told wasn't designed for humans exclusively either. I'm liable to lose ya here, but "Nature", which in my opinion is simply the voice of the Great Creator as we've lost our own ability to communicate directly with him. Animals and the Earth have so many things to tell yet we shut them out, treating our brothers and sisters as lesser beings.
Our dreams are our animal friends talking to us in a language we understand I think. The elk doesn't speak English, he doesn't need too, he still has wisdom to share. We just have to let ourselves listen.
I'm not changing anyones mind here, I just wish that people would listen to the natural lessons waiting to be taught.
As a species, human beings have gotten farther and farther from the truth with every passing day. The western way of thought is just so, so... WRONG. It couldn't be farther from the truth, attempting to pass everything off in this world as our own creation and accomplishment.
It's not that I'm against "understanding" how things work on the Earth, it's just that our planet wasn't desinged by humans, and if truth were told wasn't designed for humans exclusively either. I'm liable to lose ya here, but "Nature", which in my opinion is simply the voice of the Great Creator as we've lost our own ability to communicate directly with him. Animals and the Earth have so many things to tell yet we shut them out, treating our brothers and sisters as lesser beings.
Our dreams are our animal friends talking to us in a language we understand I think. The elk doesn't speak English, he doesn't need too, he still has wisdom to share. We just have to let ourselves listen.
I'm not changing anyones mind here, I just wish that people would listen to the natural lessons waiting to be taught.
I Like Alligators.
Well, It's been a pretty long couple of days here. Yesterday I pretty much spent the whole day at the hospital with my grandma, from about 11:00 to around 7:00 at night, long, long day right there.
I guess it's time for a quick grandma update, She's gonna get a valve replaced in her heart on Monday. We've known this valve has been going out for about 5 years now, but the operation is always pushed back until she gets symptoms, which obviously started on Thursday morning.
So anyway, yesterday my mom called me at school and says "you better get down here, grandmas going into surgery", so I didn't know it wasn't a big deal so I got right on that. I went down and told Sarah what was going on, left school and hopped in the truck. I was hurrying right along, probably goin about 80 down the freeway when my mom calls and says surgery isn't for a few hours, well, thats good to know I guess. I figured since I was already pracically there there was no reason to go back to school so I embarked on 8 hours of hospital...
wellll, me and my pops went to Quizno's (!!!!!!) then went down to the apple store cause he wants a new iPod or something. Anyway, while we were there some kid grabbed an ipad and ran out with it! crazy shit happens in Spo-town I guess haha.
Today my beautiful lady-friend Sarah was singing in "solo&ensemble" at East Valley. I was planning to run this morning, but I kinda over slept, getting up at like 8:45, and needing to be at EV at 9:40 so I didn't really have time. Anyways, she did really, really good! I was pretty much impressed, then we got some Wendy's goin for lunch, that was good i s'pose.
Went and saw grandma again, then on my way home I saw 2 deer running together alongside me. Deer are beautiful creatures, and I feel truly blessed to see the 2 of them in unison, I think they were trying to tell me something, I'm not sure about what yet though.
I guess it's time for a quick grandma update, She's gonna get a valve replaced in her heart on Monday. We've known this valve has been going out for about 5 years now, but the operation is always pushed back until she gets symptoms, which obviously started on Thursday morning.
So anyway, yesterday my mom called me at school and says "you better get down here, grandmas going into surgery", so I didn't know it wasn't a big deal so I got right on that. I went down and told Sarah what was going on, left school and hopped in the truck. I was hurrying right along, probably goin about 80 down the freeway when my mom calls and says surgery isn't for a few hours, well, thats good to know I guess. I figured since I was already pracically there there was no reason to go back to school so I embarked on 8 hours of hospital...
wellll, me and my pops went to Quizno's (!!!!!!) then went down to the apple store cause he wants a new iPod or something. Anyway, while we were there some kid grabbed an ipad and ran out with it! crazy shit happens in Spo-town I guess haha.
Today my beautiful lady-friend Sarah was singing in "solo&ensemble" at East Valley. I was planning to run this morning, but I kinda over slept, getting up at like 8:45, and needing to be at EV at 9:40 so I didn't really have time. Anyways, she did really, really good! I was pretty much impressed, then we got some Wendy's goin for lunch, that was good i s'pose.
Went and saw grandma again, then on my way home I saw 2 deer running together alongside me. Deer are beautiful creatures, and I feel truly blessed to see the 2 of them in unison, I think they were trying to tell me something, I'm not sure about what yet though.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
una dia en paradiso.
Today was pretty up and down. It was a solid 50/50, hace-hace kinda day yadadamean?
0500- My mom wakes me up, we have to go to the hospital to meet my grandma. Shit. She had been having some chest pressure along with an undulating blood pressure and some arhythmias. We've known she's had some goofy valve issues for a while now, but it's never been a problem before.
0700- We now know she's gonna be ok. Good. Her E.R. roommate is batshit crazy. Naturally. I was about ready to go over and straighten this guy out, he was talkin to himself, playing with papers and stuff. The guy was even ripping up his sheets for some time... fortunately after about 45 minutes of watching out the corner of my eye his nurse shows up with some meds. That finally calmed his ass down.
1030- I'm at school, ready to take my math final. This was no big deal, I was happy to be there since I wouldn't have to make that up later. I roll in about 25 minutes late for class. Mr. Marlow understands. I take the test, it's easy, I'm in geometry, which is embarrassing but at least it's not hard right?
1100- I go talk to my girl Mrs. Delcour, I missed her class but told her my awesome story. I went out and got my final for her class from the truck, then I turned it in. Nice, civics is done for me. Also, I parked in the bus lane, I don't think I coulda cared less about it.
1200-ish- Me and Sarah go to the track meeting. Mr. Kuhl tells us about his life for a while, we leave, no big deal. But Mrs. Bailey isn't that good at spelling names I guess.
1300/1400- Sarah and I go down and visit Grandma in the hospital. Sarah and Grandma know each other pretty good and I think it was good for the both of them.
1430- Me and Sarah went to Quizno's for lunch. Now lemme tell ya, I fuckin loooovvveee Quizno's, that made my day right there. Anyways, we eat there and sit and talk for a while, then I take her home, she had some singing practicing to do or something. I love that girl.
That's the end of anything you might care about today.
I saw a raven in the parking lot, ravens are good animals, they tell of good fortune to come. This I welcome with open arms, I'm ready for it.
Music. Let's talk about it.
I've been into a few different bands lately, but I dunno how to classify them, kind of rock-ish but acoustic with some definite country influences.
lemme know whatcha think.
0500- My mom wakes me up, we have to go to the hospital to meet my grandma. Shit. She had been having some chest pressure along with an undulating blood pressure and some arhythmias. We've known she's had some goofy valve issues for a while now, but it's never been a problem before.
0700- We now know she's gonna be ok. Good. Her E.R. roommate is batshit crazy. Naturally. I was about ready to go over and straighten this guy out, he was talkin to himself, playing with papers and stuff. The guy was even ripping up his sheets for some time... fortunately after about 45 minutes of watching out the corner of my eye his nurse shows up with some meds. That finally calmed his ass down.
1030- I'm at school, ready to take my math final. This was no big deal, I was happy to be there since I wouldn't have to make that up later. I roll in about 25 minutes late for class. Mr. Marlow understands. I take the test, it's easy, I'm in geometry, which is embarrassing but at least it's not hard right?
1100- I go talk to my girl Mrs. Delcour, I missed her class but told her my awesome story. I went out and got my final for her class from the truck, then I turned it in. Nice, civics is done for me. Also, I parked in the bus lane, I don't think I coulda cared less about it.
1200-ish- Me and Sarah go to the track meeting. Mr. Kuhl tells us about his life for a while, we leave, no big deal. But Mrs. Bailey isn't that good at spelling names I guess.
1300/1400- Sarah and I go down and visit Grandma in the hospital. Sarah and Grandma know each other pretty good and I think it was good for the both of them.
1430- Me and Sarah went to Quizno's for lunch. Now lemme tell ya, I fuckin loooovvveee Quizno's, that made my day right there. Anyways, we eat there and sit and talk for a while, then I take her home, she had some singing practicing to do or something. I love that girl.
That's the end of anything you might care about today.
I saw a raven in the parking lot, ravens are good animals, they tell of good fortune to come. This I welcome with open arms, I'm ready for it.
Music. Let's talk about it.
I've been into a few different bands lately, but I dunno how to classify them, kind of rock-ish but acoustic with some definite country influences.
lemme know whatcha think.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I'm new here.
Well, this is the first time I've really tried to "blog" about my life, I'm not really sure how to do it, but I'll figure it out.
So anyways, I'm pretty much going to be talking about a few subjects that I'm interested enough in to share with you.
Here they are;
Running. Specifically, how I'm starting an odyssey into barefoot/minimalist running.
Music. I'll post some links to things I enjoy, I have a pretty eclectic taste so I'll try and keep it fresh.
Religion. Now don't let that scare you off, I'm not specifically religious myself, I'm just trying to find some truth, now most of what I'm interested in are traditional Native American beliefs and Far Eastern thoughts.
I suppose my reason for doing this is motivation. I can talk about running, but more importantly I can talk about MY running, with people watching I can't slack off as much as I'd like to.
I'll need to keep on top of fresh beats for you guys, I tend to get into ruts, let's hope this helps.
And, this will give me a medium to share my thoughts and personal discoveries with the world.
Welp, here goes.
So anyways, I'm pretty much going to be talking about a few subjects that I'm interested enough in to share with you.
Here they are;
Running. Specifically, how I'm starting an odyssey into barefoot/minimalist running.
Music. I'll post some links to things I enjoy, I have a pretty eclectic taste so I'll try and keep it fresh.
Religion. Now don't let that scare you off, I'm not specifically religious myself, I'm just trying to find some truth, now most of what I'm interested in are traditional Native American beliefs and Far Eastern thoughts.
I suppose my reason for doing this is motivation. I can talk about running, but more importantly I can talk about MY running, with people watching I can't slack off as much as I'd like to.
I'll need to keep on top of fresh beats for you guys, I tend to get into ruts, let's hope this helps.
And, this will give me a medium to share my thoughts and personal discoveries with the world.
Welp, here goes.
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